Migrating.

i've never liked the cold. if things were to get a tad too chilly i would rush for a hoodie just to keep myself warm. maybe it's because i've lived in Singapore for as long as i remember, so i'm too used to the heat.

in the past, you could find me in hoodies even on warm sunny days. there was a time when i got afraid of heatstroke but i still went out in hoodies anyway.

i only had the courage to remove them late 2011; that was a motivation from the younger twin. i felt odd baring my arms to the sun like that, but i got used to it.

my seventeenth birthday was supposed to be my first ever solitary one, since i left my clique and my family shunned me, so i knew that nobody would give a shit about my birthday. i didn't care at all, i thought it was perfect, to spend the day all on my own.

but i got a surprise visit from two of the girls from the clique which i left; i cried. they brought me out, and i really appreciated the thought. i didn't know i really was lonely.

i came to think of this after that day; "as much as you hate the cold, you need it in order to appreciate the warmth." even if you hate being alone, it might be just the trick to get you to appreciate who you have with you right now.

i think i'm actually going too many rounds around the bush right now, my apologies.

what i wanted to say is this, actually. i wanna migrate to somewhere cold in the future. i want to learn to adapt to the cold. haven't you realised how the people who live in colder countries have better fashion sense than the locals? [no offence] [and in my opinion]

or maybe being somewhere cold is a good chance for me to hide myself without raising suspicion. i've read stories about girls who don't wear bikinis during summer because of their scars and immediately got hindered for it.

if i could, i would definitely migrate to somewhere cold in the future, for something new; a new environment, a new life. get away from everything i know, everyone i used to know, to somewhere where nobody would know my past, meet a guy whom i can have a "cute relationship" with, you know?

if i go on with these sins of mine, i have the feeling that Malay/Muslim guys will never go for me. even if they do, their parents wouldn't hear of it.

and i'm still bloody serious about that tattoo, so heck it. i'm not even gonna try to repent. i know that God is all forgiving, but i still don't think i deserve to go back on this path which i'd neglected so much.

okay nevermind, i shall talk about this in some other post. my main point of wanting to blog was to let you know that i would really move somewhere cold in the future just to start a new life.

and really! i love how they dress in winter.

i just love sweaters and stockings. but a country like mine provides little or no reasons to dress up like that on normal outings. o well.

alrighty, when i am old enough and ready, i'll migrate to somewhere cold okay? though for now i've still no idea where that would be...