Thank you.

i don't know how many times i've said i was going to move on. it's been 8 months since he walked away and out on me. i had stood there, watching his back, but he never turned back, not once.

perhaps that day's events were the determinant to our days following suit; while he continued on with his life, i stayed there staring at the spot where he had disappeared from a long time before.

it's funny how many things we can do despite staying in one spot.

i fucked things up with my family, my friends, my classmates. most of all i fucked things up with myself. i messed myself up, i isolated myself, thinking everyone didn't give a shit about me. i pushed everyone away; if they so much as to turn towards me, i run away.

yet when i was finally totally all alone, i wished for someone to give me the attention. by that time nobody cared about me anymore. i really felt so alone; even i had abandoned myself. who else were there to not give up on me?

i realise today that the simple answer to that question is: my classmates.

they have always been here. they cared about me but i was the one who withdrew myself from the company.   they've been through similar pain, and some of them had suffered even more than me. yet they're all going strong.

one day you're going to look back and ask yourself why you let one little fucker ruin your life.

open your eyes, see your surroundings. everyone cares about you. 

"they're here, but i'm not there". well, my dear readers. i think i'm going there now. i'm struggling to stand up, but at least now i know there are people who will be my pillars of support.

thank you, dearest 5/1.