Unfavourable era.

reasons i love books set in the 19th century:

1. the language
earlier English seems to be more polite, and there is lesser, sometimes none, vulgar found in these type of books. their sentence structure is also unique and wind up in a way that is complicated yet simple to understand. like Shakespeare, you know?

2. the setting
so far, all the books i'd read that were set in the 19th century had interesting settings, like a time machine [The Double Shadow] and World War II [Annexed].

3. the story plot
always interesting. there are seldom any books which totally focus on love as its foreground. the books i'd read would have the main plot focus on something less common, like time travel or war, like in the books which i had mentioned above. maybe there would be a sprinkle of love in the sidelines but that would be it.

4. the characters
i love everything about them. their names, their clothing [which would be amazing only if the authors managed to depict that well], the way they speak... it's just so lovely.

that there's my current book, which is set in the eighteenth century! it has lived up to my standards of earlier century books so far. maybe even better, since it's way before the mid 19th century books which i've read. wowee. so excited to read it to the end.

simply said, i love books which are not set in the 20th century. not gonna mention any titles, but even though these books were good, i didn't really like some common settings of college, high school, or college/high school parties [which are abundant, believe it or not].

maybe those books are written for the adults to know more about teenagers. well if that's the case, then i'll be glad to read books set in earlier times to learn more about our senior citizens or ancestors.

and speaking of which, i met up with my maternal grandfather today, to have a little dinner before making a trip to Geylang to get some house decor items. o, how i love the way he laughs. and the little old woman who served us our chicken rice was lovely, too!, the way she laughs!

okay, maybe a little confession now. i just don't favour the way youngsters are turning out these days. i know i'm not any better, and that i'm a horrible youth myself, but yeah.

plus, i think people were dressed way better in the early days. i love wearing baju kurung. the traditional kind, or the kain songket [i love those]. as long as they don't have too much modern twists to it.

also, there were those times when ladies wouldn't wear jeans or shorts at all. just cute dresses or skirts that are not too short. neither too boyish nor sexy, you know? although i have never really lived in those times, i think i'd prefer it that way.

what's more, in this century, there exist people who do not have the confidence to wear dresses or longer skirts, one of the reasons being because it is not in style or whatnot.

just imagine if we are still in the times when jeans for females hadn't been invented, and wearing sweet skirts/dresses would be an everyday thing and you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.

that's talking about myself, i guess. if dresses were a casual thing, i wouldn't be having so much difficulty just putting on a dress and walking outside.

well o well. i better stop shooting my mouth off here.

o, wait. one more reason i don't like this era: the music. enough said. [although i do listen to some annoying music occasionally, like DJ Fortify's PewDiePie soundtrack. e.g. my current blog song]

and here is a song for you.



i managed to download Ib. am SO in love with the game and the beautiful soundtrack!

Let's forget about the rain.

so what have i been up to eh? well, i woke up with a major migraine, which is why i hadn't gone to school today, and dared get out of bed only around late morning. 

apparently i have gone all rusty in terms of my studies. it was a hit-and-run on all the subjects because each time i bumped into a question i didn't know how to solve, i simply gave up. 

thus, i decided to start from scratch. and this was what i did today: geography. 

and the adaptations for the rest of the forests, of course, but i'm too lazy to scan that now. i did this while watching PewDiePie [the Ao Oni series], and it was not a distraction, not at all! in fact it made me concentrate better, would you believe it?

when i was done with all that, i decided to draw this. 

my bad that i can't draw certain things like dripping blood and vines wrapping around the body, okay? 

what inspired this was a dream i had last night/this morning, where i was lying down on a ledge with the younger twin walking below. i cried and yupp, my tears dripped down on him, thus this drawing, just that i replaced him with the Solitary Author. 

the simple story behind this drawing is the fact that the body above, the Wrister girl as you can see from the striped hoodie, is hanging on thorny vines and all, which are causing her to bleed here and there.

her blood is dripping down to the Solitary Author who is casually walking in the rain, which is probably another form of the body's tears.

simply put, the body above represents the past, while the Solitary Author represents the present. therefore, this drawing simply means that the past does affect your present. just whether or not you bother about it. 

if you do bother about it, at most is just by putting up your hood or an umbrella. get what i mean?

[although in reality, the Solitary Author ain't ignoring the rain like that at all.] 

with that said, here is a song for you. 

gotta looove Trapt.

Siren.

picture this: you are a doll. a pretty little thing, made to be admired by girls, collectors, grandmothers reminiscing their childhoods.

you have no heart, or brain, and you're always staring ahead into the nothingness, but you're still smiling nonetheless.

among all the people who 'loves' you, i think the scariest group is the little girls. they want to dress you up and make you look pretty for their friends to see. you're nothing but a show.

back in the little girl's bedroom, she talks to you. sometimes she hits you against the edge of her toy box, simply because she's angry at you or at someone else and is venting on you. still, you smile.

you're also a target for devils sometimes. devils or demons, who like to reside in things which are made to be admired, just to have the attention of humans.

you know what i mean by devils don't you? the negativity, just to summarise it.

if you're wondering why i'm suddenly talking about dolls, it's because for one, it is one of my fears. another reason is because in many points of my life, i have been in the shoes of a doll.

especially to the little girl who made me.

Aku Masih Dara.

i went to the doctor today, obediently. sure i got dragged by my mom, because she was bringing my brother anyway. so i went along. when i got back, i laid in front of the tv on a movie marathon.

today's theme seemed to be Malaysian films. [after the Journey 2 the Myserious Island at first] and i must admit, Malaysian films aren't that bad, really. 

i would have given a little summary of each of the movies, but i'm too tired/lazy. i can tell you though, that although they all have really good stories, i liked the last one most. so maybe i shall talk a little about that.

the story touches on several aspects from religion to friendship. three best friends, Aliesya, Hani and Sofia come from different backgrounds, but they are all not very religious and regularly go clubbing.

when Aliesya's cousin Firdaus came over, her father told him to take care of her, including her regular trips to the club with her friends.

Firdaus is a religious person compared to Aliesya, and she was complaining to her friends about how he was always lecturing her about religion when he stayed over. 

when Firdaus tagged along with them to the club, he had a talk with Sofia. it somehow sparked something in her which made her run home frantically asking her mother whether there's any Al-Quran in their house. 

upon finding one, Sofia opened the Quran and started crying because she wasn't able to read it. 

she decided to ask Firdaus to teach her everything about Islam, which he obliged to. then she asked him for a favour, to bring her back to his kampung so she can learn more. 

when Hani and Aliesya heard about Sofia's decision, they got angry at her for their own various reasons. Aliesya said Sofia was just banging on her cousin using religion as an excuse, while Hani thought that changing into a more religious person wouldn't make her life better anyway. 

one of Hani's lines which i can't help not forgetting: my mother prays. my father also prays. [pray as in solat] but all these years have you ever seen my life changing for the better? you see, Hani comes from a family who is having more difficulty compared to Sofia and Aliesya. 

you should watch the movie, i think it's a really good one. 

this is part 5. probably a few of my favourite parts of the movie.

anyway, i've been sick. maybe it was the rain, which i had caught myself in yesterday. although i was already having a sore throat before that. and i had a few nightmares in my sleep last night/this morning, unsurprisingly.

okay. shall blog more tomorrow.

A stormy load of gloom.

many people associate rain with the sky's tears. my way of rephrasing this is that, when it rains, the sky is not the only one that is crying.

i appreciate the rain, but i don't like it. especially storms, when the rain is particularly heavy. plus, there's lighting and thunder.

i feel that lightning is like a flashback. it's like ZAP, it's there for a fraction of a second before it disappears again. and although it's not there anymore, you still feel the emotion. you know, like that nervous anticipation for the thunder that comes after.

it rained after school earlier. it was probably one of my worst experiences with the rain ever. had asked my little bro to fetch me from the bus stop but he was busy with a friend.

it was a short walk from Elias mall to the nearest shelter that would get me to my house, but i still got drenched to the bone. of course, i started shivering like mad since i couldn't stand the cold. and believe it or not, i started to cry because of that.

went to shower and ate my chicken rice wrapped in the foster brother's hoodie. although that craving was satisfied, i was still feeling a little gloomy due to the rain.

and there we have it, one of the miserable storms i've ever experienced. and survived.

Cousie and Sya-zamn.

there we go now, a drawing of the two people i'd spent today with. (:

a stitch on the shorts Cousie is wearing XD , and a wrapped package in Sya-zamn's hand.

i'm really so happy that i spent the day with two people, my Axes. really! i guess that's just how lonely i've been. this really is the happiest Solitary Author i've ever drawn. *grins* and i was wearing my butterfly tee that's why there's one there. only one cause i was lazy to draw more.

Best seat in the world.

i met up with two lovely people today. first was none other than Mayang cousie. we went to have breakkie at Mac cause i couldn't make it for KFC's. damn son. i really wanted porridge.

well at least we still got to meet up. it's been awhile since we had a meal together. talked about the least important things in our lives as always.

took bus and walked to PRP where i met up with Syamirul. passed him his birthday present and sat on the breakwaters, also talking about the least important things in our lives. [okay, so we talked about my o levels too, which is definitely not an unimportant thing. but yeah]

went to the library on my own afterwards. it's been ages since i last visited the library to sit and read! one of the security personnel came over to me and told me that i can't consume milk tea in the library. [i had a bottle next to me]

me: but i didn't drink it.
security personnel: *laughs* that's what everyone says.
me: O: really! [really.] i came here only to read. [meaning to say, please let me read in peace.]
security personnel: fine, fine. just put it in your bag please.

so i did.

and then i went to popular to look at more books. bwahah. blah3, here i am now, slacking in bed with a book.

that white tiger has the best seat in the world. my stomach.

i wanna say, thank you to my Cousie and Sya-zamn. it's been a while since i went out with someone, two people in one day. it makes me feel so special, somehow. so thank you very much (;

i would love to draw you guys but i'm too lazy go to my drawing spot. which is over there. and i'm here. x_x

let's watch more PewDiePie now! i don't think he's had any new uploads, so i'll just continue watching the Happy Wheels ones.

image courtesy of MyNightSoul on DeviantArt. 

oh, hold on. i just remembered. Mayang cousie told me to write a poem about beach earlier. i shall try that now. though i've no idea whether i should make it a silly one or a serious one.

okay, maybe not beach. but park. PRP to be exact. should be close enough. that place has a significance too anyway, so let's go.

____

if waves are the only things you hear;
and stars the only things you see.
there's something else which is near;
something that's either sad or happy.

where we spent our first night;
where you brought me around on your bike.
where we had a cold fight;
yes, they're all there, behind.

but the stars are all that i'd like to look at;
no matter how tired my neck would get.
i just wanna look to the sky, and forget;
about everything, from the day we first met.

this place is killing me;
all the ghosts that i can't help but see.
the ghosts of our memories;
make them disappear, please.

shall blog again later if i feel like it.

A book just right! [quick update]

went for the ceremony today, which i'd mentioned in my previous post. the emcee said my name right, thank goodness. thank you (:

i got this! damn son. just look at that stack of book vouchers!!!

took a walk around Jurong Point, was it? it was huge! went to Swenson's where i decided prior to looking at the menu; "i shall order the first thing on the menu." and tadah! this is it.

you should try it. it's like soup in a bowl made out of bread! and you should also try ordering first things on the menu, at restaurants which you frequent. you might be surprised at how you could miss it all the time (;

and then i bought this using one of the Popular vouchers.

it's just right! it's set in an older time, in the 1800's to early 1900's. lovely! it's about a circus that popped up overnight, with no warnings or posters or advertisements. and the stranger thing is, it's only open after sunset, til dawn.

gave another one of the book vouchers to my little bro. just so you know, i received fifteen. *grins* so excited to use them, but not so soon of course.

in the late evening, went out again for jalan raya. the kitty cat at Cik O's house is so adorable! s/he reminded me of a cleopatra, the way she sat, poised, just letting herself be admired.

there was also a siamese but s/he was a shy type, one who apparently doesn't like having eyes on her. she was beautiful though, her eyes are huge!

my pretty cousin (; 

gonna watch some Happy Wheels now. 

Ceremonies. Tears. Cycling Escapades.

ceremonies. we've all been through at least one, be it bursary or the ones in school for your good deeds. [hehe] i hate them like hell, but mumsie's always dragging me to attend such stuff.

my reasons for disliking ceremonies.

1. the dress code.
most of the ceremonies i'd attended had me in my school uniform, which i definitely do not feel comfortable in. if not the school uniform, you still gotta look your best, right? a feat which is life-threatening to me.

2. the walk.
that spotlight. the crowd's eyes on you as you walk. the stage's shiny, polished floors which you have a high risk of slipping on. it's supposed to be my moment but why am i not enjoying it?

3. pronunciation.
as you all know i don't really use my middle name much. [the N. after the E'indah] i only allow it to be publicly announced at such ceremonies. what annoys me is the fact that my entire name is always pronounced wrongly. always. it's like Hey, i gave you permission to say my full name doesn't mean you can pronounce it so badly you know.

and tada. i have one tomorrow. boohoo.

____

i had my O Level English oral exam today. it went well! and another thing i did which made myself proud; i had completed 5 whole questions during Maths. completed. FIVE. WHOLE. bwahah!

i'm so pissed off right now, but thankfully there is Natalee here to calm me down *takes a deep breath*

and she got me thinking. do you know why we take a deep breath when we want to calm ourselves down? because during the bad times, we need to think of the good stuff; which is the fact that at least we are alive. so we emphasise on our breathing to remember that. get it?

like a laugh. i would like to say tears too but they're always associated with sadness, aren't they. at least i think so.

how come tears can represent both sadness and happiness? we cry horribly when we are sad; same when we are over the moon. but why do we not laugh when we are sad?

that aside i really need to be brought out on a bike soon. i really, really need it.

you know the feeling of wanting to hit on the front brakes and letting go of the handlebars, just to send yourself flying. even though you'll most probably end up getting injured.

it's amazing how we are willing to go through the misery of its consequences, just to go through that few seconds of freedom, of being free in the air. i guess life is like that.

i apologise if today's post is a little too wordy! i'm too lazy to draw anything or to webcamwhore.

til here for now my Axes. remember to breathe in and out when life gets a little tough. literally. and metaphorically? (;

Kafka on the Shore.

i had my seventeenth birthday wish made clear. i know it's highly unlikely to come true, but it won't hurt to continue daydreaming, i guess. 

____

so i got super pissed off in the morning, first at the vending machines and then the 7-11 person. BOTH the vending machines ran out, while the 7-11 person just had to have the back door locked and i had to walk one round just to get in. all i wanted was my milk tea, dammit. 

well i got it in the end, meeting a lone kitty cat along the way. her eyes were as green as the greenest Rayquaza! 

school was nothing much. i dozed off in physics and woke up to have ink all over my desk. Mr Bernard came over to me and talked to me about my problems and stuff. and i really meant he talked. if you get what i mean. 

sat with Night for a while after school til she started staring at something in the distance and dashed off before i could even say goodbye. ):

saw the blue tadpole sitting in front of me halfway through the bus ride from school and was trying so hard to see if it was really him. i stretched my legs beneath his seat to try and kick his feet or something but my knees got stuck instead. 

and then i got to my room many eons later and started crying. just crying. just another one of those days where our eyes keep tearing up for no apparent reason. 

i wanna get myself a book soon. maybe a Haruki Murakami. well after i'm done with the books i'd borrowed from the library, of course. just so you know, Haruki Murakami happens to be my favourite author. 

i'm not so sure what his books' genre is, really. but the stories he write are just beautiful. they're not crime, or fantasy, or romance. just... slice of life. that's the only way i know how to put it. or more like his own perspectives of life. 

the very first book i bought that's written by him was back in 2009, the one titled "Kafka on the Shore".

the main character is called Kafka Tamura, a boy who ran away from home on his 15th birthday. he lives with his dad, and stole all his money and whatnot in order to survive. 

so this Kafka is bound by a prophecy, to murder his father and violate his mother and sister, both of whom had been missing from his life since a long time before. 

the day he turned 15, Kafka had travelled a long way far from home, in a library where he met Oshima [i think that was his name] and Ms Saeki [i think that was her name]. yet he got possessed to murder his father from back home. 

ah crap i forgot how to summarise the story and stuff. i think this lovely picture should do it. 

i used to read it over and over again back in those days when i hadn't had enough money to pay my outstanding library fines. couldn't borrow any books so had to make do with the ones which i have. i read it like 5.5 times if i'm not wrong. 

i was so in love with the protagonist back then!! x_x i even wrote a poem for him, but that was way back in early 2010 so it probably sounds super silly today. 

but yeah, you should really read the book. i wanna get The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and The Elephant Vanishes before i get the latest one, the one called IQ84. its soft cover version just came out, which is cheaper, so imma take advantage of that. 

alrighty. shall blog again if i feel like it. 

Can stand it no longer.

am currently on the phone with none other than Haikal dood.

i couldn't stand it. i had to call him. i couldn't stand the thought of being alone. i don't know. for some reason i couldn't stay alone for long these days.

even at school. i've always wanted to be alone completely but on tuesday, i kept hoping there'd be at least somebody in the toilet when i had to go.

what is happening? something's definitely not right. i'm probably going insane again. can't stand being alone. i need someone. i really do.

goodnight.

Crap poem for my readers.

heidiho there my loyal readers;
those on 109BlackAxes.
the ones who read my nonsense;
the ones called my dear Axes.

my long boring days in school;
the lame things which only i find cool.
scrolling through my many webcamwhores;
persevering my posts full of bore.

going through my moodswings;
watching videos of my lip-syncs.
reading on all my mistakes;
giving support with nothing to take.

fangirling over bands you've never heard;
sharing how i'd laughed from certain youtubers.
proving to you that i'm feeling a little low;
showing you pictures of the birds out the window.

started off this with a little heidiho;
the solitary author's way of saying her hello.
meanwhile, as for the goodbye that i say;
it is none other than a little goudenbaye.

but i don't WANNA say goodbye! 

bwahaha. alright. thanks for the support my Axes. whether you really do like my blog or not. as long as you read and feel a little emotion, it's enough for me. because it doesn't matter if my face is unseen, as long as my words are read. [webcamwhores are decorations XD]

Another day, another dream.

i'd dreamt of a lot of people. excluding the younger twin. what a relief. and the dream was sweet!

the first part included riding in a kind of expensive car [i'm not very good with cars] with my awesome grandmother driving it. the way she drove it was scary shit!!! i was standing in my seat [there was no roof] and screaming the whole time, though out of joy or fear, i do not know!

i remember that the car kept crashing into double decker buses, of all things. it was really damn scary! but thrilling too of course.

another part was a gathering of many Crestians. i remember seeing many familiar faces. but now that i think about it, i don't remember what really happened back there.

and now here i am, doing a little bit of Maths while watching good ole PewDiePie.

BROFIST!

anyway, hadn't gone to school today so there isn't anything interesting to share about that. shall blog again later if i feel like it. so tired.

Thank you PewDiePie, and a little clarity.

PewDiePie is my medicine.

he makes me forget all the shit that's going on in the world. even though he made me freak out about the Slender Man, i still love this youtuber very much because he's always doing his best to keep us happy. he loves us. his fans.

didn't mean to make that sound so emotional, but really. he's amazing. he's the only youtuber that's ever made me laugh that hard in every one of his videos. even Smosh hadn't been that funny; sometimes i didn't really get their jokes. [though i loved the Mail/Lunchtimes and Mari ones]

and with all the stuff that i've been through this year, i really appreciate the laughs that PewDiePie gave me. he's probably the only human in my life right now whose job is to make me laugh. [as well as other fans, but you get what i mean.]

so yeah. am glad i was introduced to this youtuber.
thank you PewDiePie.

he's so handsome x_x have you seen his girlfriend? i think his girlfriend is adorable too x_x her name's Marzia [CutiePieMarzia on youtube] and she's from Italy.

____

had fallen asleep in school the entire day, believe it or not. including recess and lunch, dammit. i've no idea why. i wasn't even that tired. and i didn't talk much too.

everyone was sharing cookies during Mother Tongue class. i wish i had brought mine, too! i felt so reluctant to take the cookies [Sabrina kept taking for me, and the rest kept offering to me] when i didn't even contribute any.

so i heard we've received the prelims timetable? where's mine then?

i've the feeling that my teachers are on the verge of giving up on me completely. if they really do, i must say that i'll understand.

turned on my comp to check Blogger and the first thing i saw was my name on Si Ying's latest blog post, so i decided to check out her blog for a while, been awhile. and damn i got so irritated.

no teachers are giving me any "special treatment". to them i'm just another one of those problematic students who needs to be told to do my work from time to time. and Ms Adimah is not biased towards me. she does scold me just as much. just not in front of others.

and what? what "version" did our home tutor tell you guys? just so you know, none of the teachers know the full story. i did not tell anyone anything. they just assumed. if you're talking about the clique thing, i have never told anyone that you guys left me.

i fought with my parents some time back. nearly a month ago. they were saying shit like, "it's your fault for showing this attitude that's why your FRIENDS left YOU." i immediately told them No, they did not leave ME.

and i say again, none of the teachers know the true story because they all just assumed and even if i bothered correcting them, they won't listen.

you should know better. i thought you would know better. after all no matter what you were still once my best friend. you didn't even hear me out and you already believed what Mrs Chew had just heard? and i thought you guys always had something against her. just when she told you this, you believed her?

i'm sick of people assuming when they don't even listen to what i have to say. my parents assume shit, about me, about my childhood buddy, about my ex boyfriend. i don't bother correcting anyone anymore cause no one's gonna take it anyway.

that's why i just let them believe whatever they wanted to. it's not my fault that what got passed around wasn't the truth. if you have anything you want to clear, you should just talk to me. i can't take anymore shit, okay? and you know that. thanks.

tomorrow i'm gonna buy myself a little Maccy D to eat in the classroom before morning assembly. in fact i'm craving Maccy D now, dammit. i fell asleep again when i got back and woke up to horrible hunger pangs.

oh wait, no, i want chicken rice. somebody tweeted about having lemon chicken rice earlier. i want some!

Slender Man.

alright guys i know this is completely irrelevant and has nothing to do with any of us, but i'm here to blog about an urban legend which is strongly believed to be true.

he's been in Germany, Netherland, America, and is even attacking Asian countries like Japan and Korea. and now i'm reading through the comments and someone mentioned having seen him in Singapore.

alright. so here we go. he's called the Slender Man.

let's start off with appearances. it's said that he has on a suit with a red tie, and apparently has no face. he has long arms and can grow up to 15 feet tall, thus the name.

he is said to stalk potential victims, and his following them can last as long as a few years or even decades. although he originally kidnapped only children, he's believed to have started targeting adults too.

it's mentioned that he kills his victims by pining them to a tree and letting them bleed to death. however later cases convinced investigators that he now kills them in a messier way; that the bodies would never be found because he just had to get rid of the mess.

people who disappeared are thought to have been taken by him after they mentioned having dreamt of him. that's how they theoried that he was the one who had taken the disappeared victims.

there are also symptoms of being a potential victim, apparently. nosebleeds, paranoia, and nausea. hmm.

it's also mentioned that if you dreamt of him as a child, you're probably gonna meet him again later in your life. he never leaves a victim alone forever.

there had been a few theories explaining his existence. some say it was because he was physically deformed as a child, and other kids kept making fun of him. so when he died, he had a vengeance to hurt those children.

the most dangerous thing about this legend is that he feeds on fear and belief. the more you believe in him and are scared of him, the more he exists.

wanna see the irritating part about it?

he takes you if you fear him.
you only fear him if you believe in him.
you believe in him because everyone else does.
everyone believes in him because they're all watching PewDiePie and other youtubers make it popular.
that's because they play the game which is based on him.

see that vicious cycle?

well, so yeah. many people have dreamt of him, apparently. maybe that's because they keep thinking of him before they go to sleep. because they watch youtubers like PewDiePie play the game and they go research on the myth which that game is based on.

do you get it?

well but in any case, i'm sure you have your own God to believe in. like i'd said before, i'm not a very religious so 1. ain't gonna say anything more than to just believe in your own God 2. i have a little fear in me for the Slender Man now.

plus 3. you all know i take my dreams seriously. i'm probably gonna dream about him tonight and i'm gonna freak the shit out if that happens.

you can go here for more info, which was what i did. this blog post is just a rewritten version of that page, in my own words and from what i understood. read the comments too, they're also pretty informative if you're interested.

and for the record, this is what started it.

i'd love to put in some pictures of the Slender Man [the type which he had gotten captured accidentally] but that would just further fuel the fear, i guess. so let's just put in some PewDiePie fanart.

oh, and there was also something about him appearing more to people who are frequently with cameras.

you can research on him more if you want  to, it's pretty interesting.

Hari Raya 2012. [quick update]

why heidiho there my Axes! you're right, i just came back so yes, am pretty tired right now. let me just post some pictures here now (;

starting from my lovely house.

at good ole Guilley, Halia was just acting super weird! he kept coming over but when i attempted to pet him he would dash off. he never dashes off!

and i must say, the last house of the day seemed like the perfect grand finale. it was so fun! we all took plenty of family portraits, the whole big extended family. i released an embarrassing laughter at the end of one shot, holy firetruck.

so yeah. am pretty tired right now. *yawns* and sleepy! Na-nate my Axes.

Hari Raya preppy and brofist!!

i shall now be like a girl and blog about something, uh, girly.

i don't know what to do with my hair for tomorrow.

let's play the hairdressing game with our Solitary Author for now!*grins*

i don't really wanna cut my back hair. i've been wanting to grow it long. and if i were to cut it short,... i don't know. it seems problematic. 

if i were to cut bangs, i'd want my eyebrows to be covered and that would probably make me look a lot more emotionless. mumsie doesn't like when i look like that.

alright, so maybe i'll just play with hair bands and clips instead of scissors. so simple. okay, but i don't want braids or plaits or [what?] whatever.

if i want to let my fringe down, then i'll have to tie up my hair into a ponytail, otherwise everything would just be falling all over my face. and we don't want that on hari raya, no?

that looks so kampong girl, somehow. and hurry up man, she's getting bored.

o! she's annoyed. she's annoyed. she doesn't like this!

what about if my fringe is up and my hair down? cause that's what i've done a lot of times before anyway.

ah. forget this. i think this one is the best:

she seems to like it too.

hey that was fun! we should do this again some time.

____

spent the day putting up the house and all. guess what i spent most of my time doing? you're right, arranging the photo frames. spent eons standing there, arranging and rearranging the frames.

and i also helped mumsie in the kitchen, of course. i couldn't stand the smell of tempe, really. i kept getting nauseous. it was just so frustrating. but i survived it!

my room looks better now, too. aside from the curtains which are up again after their bath, the floor is clear of my fallen hair strands and my books, pens, clothes are all in their places.

and then everyone was so emotional when they listened to the takbir raya )':

as for the dressing up and all, i'm done with all that too, i think. have got my shoes, earrings, bag. though i wanted to buy another white bag cause the one which i'm planning on using can't fit my precious diary. o well.

i watched some PewDiePie, too! managed to. heheh. i watched his scary montages. they were freaking funny! his reactions were priceless. he makes horror laughable.

oh he's just so awesome. you should totally watch his videos. become a bro here! have i mentioned, he's so cool when he talks Swedish, dammit. x_x

b r o f i s t from the Pewdie!

so there we go. Ramadhan is over. for the year, anyway. we'll meet again. we always do. (':

this entire household is most probably gonna stay up tonight, so i might want to blog again later. see you when i see you my Axes.

p.s. Mayang cousie dropped by earlier. she gave me a hug )': thank you. i really needed that.

Reaction to Mother Tongue O Level result.

today was my very first time in eons coming to school on a friday. well yeah fine maybe it's just for my Mother Tongue O level results. which came during recess.

the principal talked to us before releasing our individual results, of course. and then came the time when she gave the names of those who got distinctions. when the slide with the Malay students with A2s came on, i closed my eyes. i really did.

i was sitting with Jia Yao and Wei Liat, with Yao Wei behind me, and i thought they'd be chaotic with my name if it was there on the screen. but they didn't regard me. and that was when i knew.

i didn't get the A2 which i so badly desired.

a B3 then. a B3 would have been fine.

but nope. far from it.

i was so disappointed.

i had really put in so much effort. i really gave my best. i really did my best during that time. i really did. i was really hoping to get an A2.

at that very instant when my Malay teacher said my grade after my name, i really felt everything shatter; my hope, my strength, my courage. i started crying right there and then, though i was really trying not to.

when everything was done, the signing and all that stuff, i took all that i had left; my precious diary and what little strength i had left, and ran away from everyone.

i hid.

and i cried. and cried. 

i was alone. yet, i still hadn't escaped from everything. i was still trapped in the madness, the madness of my national exams which are only two months away. it's so near, and yet. it's so far.

____

yeah. i hid. and i cried, i effing cried non-stop. i sat there by the sinks for about an hour or so, i think. someone walked in on me and was like Ohmygod are you okay!? and after she left i cried til i fell asleep for a while i think.

when i suddenly jerked awake i heard Mr Singh's voice coming from outside and i was like shit, and i tried to run into the cubicle, but the door creaked open before i could manage.

and tadah, i was found. by him and none other than my childhood buddy Syazana. and then i started crying again. i was taken to the tower where the Mother Tongue HOD sat me down and talked to me.

i saw Mrs Sherri from the distance talking to another kid, but i noticed how she was constantly looking over her shoulder to glance at me from time to time. eventually she came over and asked what's up. she said she wished she could stay and talk with me as well, but she had another case to attend to.

so yes. that's my escapade today.

back in my hiding, i was just writing in my diary and texting Natalee. she tried to encourage me to try again. i really spilled out all my feelings to her earlier. if only she had been there to hug me; i'm sure the weight would have been eons lighter. but it's okay. she was there, alright. not physically, but still there.

she said she would push me 11m forward every time i'm pushed 10m back. o, how i love that dear girl.

it was only after we stopped texting that i started releasing the tears for the younger twin. i didn't blame him though. i just wished he could comfort me.

but guess what? when i was walking to the bus stop after school, i saw the black kitty at central whom i named Night a few years back. was originally Yoru but well, that's japs for night anyway, and it's shorter, so Night it stuck.

well, she made me feel a little better. i sat there petting her for quite some time, and she seemed to enjoy my company too. her throat seemed hearse though, somewhat.her meows were rough. well i guess maybe cause she's old.

and then back on my bed, there was good ole Courage. although he's not a real cat. and he's a tiger. but he's still a lovely, lovely source of solace.

he's just as stoic as ever, oblivious to the honour he has of being the only stuffed animal i have ever loved this much. [i bring him on holidays too, you know.]

alright, i'm going to blog some more later. i feel better now that i've let it all out in words. o how i love words. don't you love words my dear Axes? 

o, i've forgotten to ask how was your MT o level results. good? good. awesome? awesome! 

Pewdiepie, *Wazzy88 and some serious shit.

spent my entire day watching some Peeeeeewdiepie! his latest videos as well as the earlier Happy Wheels ones. holy shit, i really laughed so hard!

my amateur fanart (':

he's actually Swedish! i dont know, i just find that fascinating. and he's awesome shit because he makes me laugh so hard so easily, if you get what i mean. for all i know he usually plays horror games.

o, but there was once when he tried to play a Barbie game, and holy crap, that was freaking funny! "i think this game is giving me more heart attacks than Amnesia."



that's how my day is, my happiness with watching Pewdiepie. o, and my fascination with this dA named *Wazzy88. he seems to specialise in Pokeballs.

just a few. you can check out more here (; o, and a little secret from him. his very first Pokeball creation was made during a time when he was feeling depressed, and he thought making these were a good way to release the tension. what's more, he had good feedback, and thus. the rest is history.

wouldn't it be nice if we're in the middle of the worst time of our lives, when we discover something we apparently love doing and make a lot of fame and fortune on it?

alright, serious stuff. serious stuff. tomorrow's the release of O level MT results, i heard? guess i'll have to go school then. and speaking of school...

yeah, i'm not taking school seriously. someone told me things should be fine as long as i like studying. the problem is, i do like studying. i like all the books and stationery and notebooks all around me, you know?

the problem is i don't feel pressured enough. the real thing is two months away yet i don't feel all panicky and stuff.

____

what's the difference between a human and a ghost? a ghost is a memory.  it's your belief in it that makes it exist. in my opinion anyway.