Malay Intensive! Bahasa Melayu, let's go!!!

heidiho! ohidieh!

no, i've been pissed the whole day actually.

today had been the second day of Malay Intensive, and as usual there were lots of laughs. cikgu ridzuan was our lecturer, and by ours i mean 5NA and the Malay peeps from a few classes which i ain't so sure. 4/7 and 4/8 i think.

the girl who was asking her really long question and ended off with "asal senyapnya?", damn cute!

we focused on karangan today, and i really wanted to give my ideas, but i hadn't seemed to have the opportunity, damn it. o well.

after Malay Intensive, we had another course which Syazana had to drag me to once again. but hey, guess what? the course kind of helped me a teeny weeny bit. it's on raising self-esteem.

after it all, i had gone to the toilet to stare at my reflection and i wanted to bring down my fringe but then i was like, would you believe it, "hey, i'm actually quite pretty."

i've actually thought that very sentence many times before. but i just keep denying it again due to my insecurity. i guess i'm slow at gaining the self-esteem.

past is past. shame is the past. i have a chance at having moments of pride in the future. in fact, i'm proud of myself now, for this change.

*holds up fists* kay. from now on, i shall do my best to clip up my hair in school, for the whole day.

but ok, we take it slow okay? s.l.o.w.l.y............. .

had gone on a milk tea solitary escapade today, but not to write in my diary. instead, i wrote a karangan about a betrayal that ended up in regret.

and now. hear ye, hear ye; the circus master shall be exposing the most extraordinary act for tonight:........*drum roll*......... her ability to write in Bahasa Melayu!!!
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apakah masalahnya? mengapa kau berperangai seperti begitu? apakah salah aku? aku hanya melakukan apa yang manusia berkebolehan. aku hanya menunjuk perasaan yang ditanam dalaman hatiku ini.

aku telah membuat begitu sebab aku percaya dengan kau. aku cuma hendak merendam diriku yang susah ini dalam keselesaan kau; kaulah seorang sahaja yang aku membenarkan untuk sentuh aku. kaulah seorang sahaja yang telah mengada kekuatan yang cukup untuk menarik aku untuk timbul ke permukaan.

setiap kali kau berjalan ke arah bercanggah pendirianku, kau akan pusing lalu bersenyum manis serta melambai. aku sering tenung menghadap kau walaupun kau telah menoleh ke hadapan kembali, dan menunggu sehingga kau hilang daripada pemandanganku.

aku selalu mangsa kepada kecuaian seperti ini. tidak pernah ada seseorang yang melindungi aku semasa aku berjalan arah yang bercanggah; aku lazim menjadi mangsa yang tenung kepada orang kesayangan yang membuat keputusan untuk meninggalkan aku.

jangan! jangan meninggalkan aku. aku merayu; tolong, janganlah jalan daripada aku. tolong jangan melarikan diri daripada hidup aku. aku sayang kau. aku sanggup buat apa-apa sahaja untuk mengadakan kau dalam hidup aku. tolong... janganlah meninggalkan aku... aku merayu...