just some feelings .

you're right. "what happened?" maybe if you had been there for me all along you would have known. when i needed you, where were you? you were busy with other stuff.

i did try to ask you out but you never replied me. and when you finally texted me, it was during my gastric flu time and all you had to ask was is your job hiring? yeah, you're the most awesome cousie ever dont you think ?

couldnt sleep last night. had naps in between my insomnia , with very very brief but weird dreams.

i aint blaming anyone, but ive coped with everything in my life pretty badly ever since tht boy left me behind.

i know you all thinking he just a boy, he nothin. but no, to me he everythin. he was there for me when i aint got nobody else, when everyone else had them boyfriends or girlfriends or cca or jobs. he was my boyfriend, my brother, my parent, my best friend. he was my everything.

like i said, all i cared abt in this world was him, my grandmother, my aunt at guilley. tht was just the problem, they were both at guilley. the only one i truly had by my side all the time was tht boy.

it aint my fault i have this attitude like a child's, feeling neglected at every single thing, not being understanding tht ppl have got their other important stuff. i aint as mature as some ppl think.

the problem with me is tht i dont practise what i preach. i tell ppl tht time goes on and all tht crap but no, here i am wasting my life away because of a boy. i'm a bad role model arent i .

no, im a weakling arent i . yeah, of course i am, bloody hell. i may be the strongest person ive ever met, but still the weakest.

been getting some sort of weird moodswing. sometimes i would cry, and then suddenly i would laugh at some funny memory. and then i'll rmb some shit he had said and get angry tht he had lied to me again.

once again im having the shit tht one second he the love of my life, the next i wanna smear his blood all over the ground with my nikes.

this has always scared me . i got this in nov 2010. i wanted so badly to bash him up tht i was so scared of seeing him, i was afraid i would really murder him. but i wanted to , but i was afraid tht i would.

anyhoos, as you can see, im not in sch right now. yes i am still sick with the gastric flu. as ive said before, i truly deserve this .

i once mentioned tht i didnt feel connected with the ppl from pasir ris anymore, be it the clique, the sch mates, the strangers i see every day at elias mall, etc. i still do feel tht. aft my o levels, if i manage to survive it, imma move out of pasir ris . i dont care anymore .