courage .

this song was a hit from 2007, or maybe even earlier. i rmb it's abt courage.

was typing away at mccafe when some dude outside the window next to me stared at me. it was z handsome boy irshad, and he looked so fucking hot with the messy hair sial.

so he came in and he had butt cramps? talked abt work and bike stuff, and then he wanted 100+, so i ran to cheers to get a bottle of tht. talked to jiajing , and then many eons later shad and i made our way out.

decided to go to prp , to walk around. which is an 'as always'. he had his bikey, but he was kind enough to walk and push it, instead of cycling. but he started cycling halfway cause of the puddles i think. but he was still sweet enough to hold my hand . so he was cycling with only one hand .

i enjoyed the part where shady jawab the unsuspecting mats with the annoying sound effects . my gosh. tht was fun sia.

stopped by the place where we had our first kiss. ive not gone there on my own , the very last time i went there was the very first time which was our first kiss. but we couldnt stay long, unfortunately, bcos of bloody aggas (idk how spell)

went to the kitchen garden (rmb on 18th may 2009 siying? when we were despo to go there but in the end it wasnt what we expected) and talked a little more , just a little more. and then started kissing :3

i like the positions tht we sat in. like so comfy with each other. like couple who go over to each other's house just to play ps3.

when we were kissing, irshad held me toward him via my right shoulder. altho it did hurt, i kinda liked it when he did tht. kept each other close, altho we were as closest as can be :3 hm what next eh?

todayy was indeed a day of Courage . altho i took my own sweet time and still didnt do a good job, he still told me it is ok cause it was just my first time giving it a shot. THAT WAS FIRETRUCKING SPICY .

o and i removed the hoodie tht i was wearing. to suffer with irshad, despite it being another chilly night. tht took guts , for someone who aint used to the cold :3

when we went off aye , i suddenly felt like running. so i did. tht felt firetrucking GOOD . altho i was tired like fuck, tht run made my whole life flash before me. got a little nauseous aft tht. and then shady asked me why was i sleeping at guillemard.

simple. family probs. the good ole family probs.

i told him it was my brothers tht made me upset. im sorry , but tht was a lie. aft i told tht lie, i kept quiet cause i felt guilty. aft thinking abt it , i was like, "....can i tell you smth?"

i wanted to tell him. but i didnt know how to put it. it wasnt simple. i was afraid tht he wouldnt believe me. it took me a while to get it out . i thought i was prepared. so i told him. i told irshad abt the most beautiful woman on earth .

bloody hell , halfway thru my voice changed , i think cos of my throat, i felt it clog up. and yes i broke down and started bawling. tried to finish what i was saying but my voice was alr breaking down like fuck.

i just kept talking. tears were falling but i wanted to pour out words to irshad as well and not just tears. come to think of it , it was pretty embarrassing. but then again , including tonight, shady has seen me cry thrice ina month .

i love it when he whispers, and i love it so much more when im able to hear him clearly. it was a full moon. the park was dark and deprived of human life . in the midst of my sobs, he stopped cycling and pulled me into a hug . he said it's alright. he shushed me and wiped my tears away.

thus, this boy named irshad. i love him with all my heart and soul.

we parted at the dte bus stop. i crumpled the letter i wrote my mom , and stuffed it into the pouch of shad's bag .

i felt so much lighter. aft the run , aft telling someone this pain of 16 years, aft being comforted by the love of my life. and yeah.....it did feel kinda.... free.



and yeah tht's a fucking picture of me ok .