past few days.

hello. was supposed to work today, but smth went wrong with the schedule so im home now. next shift is on tuesday. weeell. let's have a little chat.

past few days have been nuts. first of all, nearly wanted to kill myself on monday. ok, i did want to, but i didnt cos i didnt have the balls. the next day went for a walk, wow tht really awakened me. and then slacked with asleah and siying at the former's house.

i arrived first, and when siying did, the first thing she did was to slap me and shout at me idiot -_- and then aft asleah knew what happened, she said i was stupid and then the both of them were like hitting me calling me idiot -_________-

and then had first day of work on wednesday. ok ive blogged abt wednesday and thursday. thursday evening, i was like sitting at cc from a great height. i liked the feeling, but then khairul said he minded me sitting with my legs dangling. so i quickly got off.

and then, hmm, on friday, slacked with khairul before work. i missed being in his arms.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

ah ha ha ha ha! omg. look at tht. okayy. i am bored. i wanna write in diary now! fyi, diary is for more personal stuff, and for all the stuff tht i think wouldnt make sense to anyone who reads my bloggie. hehe.

i want to cry. i really want to cry. i know his true feelings. and it saddens me.

hello! had first day of work ytd. ok not really work, more like training. so far so great. the peeps are a great bunch! there's so many malays. i really dont wanna get myself involved in the gossip, my dm told me there's a lot gg on currently.

weeell. it was only my first day. there's the manager tht everyone is very scared of named jennifer. good thing she was on leave on my first day at EK ytd. aaand my dm hayati says i dont smile enough. she says tht the other part timers said so . great! awesome innit?

okayyy so i shall smile more. yup. like this. (:

i liked the walkie talkie, one day imma use it just To say goodbye when im leaving for work. soo i dont think ive met everyone yet. ive met many, but not all, i dont think so. so far all of them are real nice, esp my trainer and the younger malay girls.

hopefully i dont leave any gossip trail anywhere. soo yeah .

as for today, went to sch cos timothy invited us to watch talent quest. we all spammed faiz zainal cos he was still sleeping when we were all alr in the canteen waiting for him. blah3, went to hall to watch the last few performances for talent quest.

when it was the deepavali one, faiz and zharfan got up to leave, so asleah, hafiz, timothy and i followed behind as well. mr roslan was like, "oh, when deepavali celebrations, all of you want to run away ah, but just Now so despo to come in. next time you guys stay out!" ahhahah.

slacked at jamming room , watching the guys rehearse and all tht. i was recording, i aimed smth like the live sessions of TFT's discovering .

soooooooo. i need to see my khairul . i really do. ive not seen him for days. but it feels like a really long time. when was the last time i saw him? monday. i really really hope i can see him tonight, as i have work tmrw. sigh .

so much shit happened, yes. and i am sorry to all of you. ive written my reflection. and the rest of my feelings shall be in my wonderful red little notebook tht an old best friend of mine got for me.

Soul Full Solace MV !

oh btw! filming was a success. day two was on thursday, and also was the day of editting. i worked my butt off, blood sweat and tears, to get this :



this means a lot to me. all my projects do (: sooo. enjoy? yes, enjoy. enjoy! read its description first:

Uploaded by aquaheartbeat on Oct 13, 2011

it's finally done! been too distracted off this for too long.
a simple MV i made for TFT's "Soul Full Solace". basically it's tryna say how everyone has been too bogged down by the past, and the thing they should have done long ago was to walk away from it, which is always done a little tad too late.
------------------------
song used: Soul Full Solace (Interlude) - There For Tomorrow
my models !: Nur Asleah, Venusys Si Ying, and me too
camera used: Nikon L110

okkaiiiii, enjoy ^_^ and be sure to watch the vids for the Making of Soul Full Solace as well ! hmm. or you want pics ?








day 2:






yes, i had fun filming of course. currently thinking when i can do my next MV. hopefully i can involve more people, i would need boys in my MVs as wel, cos it'll be boring if only girls are filed, dont you think so? yes.

i wanted to have khairul in my sfs one as well. but he was busy with eoy, so yeah. nvm, i can involve him in other projects! if he wants to get involved of course.
yay i have blogged

went pasir ris park with my khairul today! it was pretty last min cos i was sooo bored at home and he found an excuse to go out, so we went~ met at bus stop aft orange bus stop, but he forgot and alighted at the wrong stop, so met in the middle.

walked back to the bus stop i was at, waiting for 403. while waiting, talked a lot random and when it finally arrived, we alighted at the end and walked to the breakwaters (i think) . as always, talked and laughed abt many random stuff.

crap. my fingers. my fingers hurt. ok, i shall blog later, rest first can? fingers. pain .



i was tilting my head, staring at this pic when i paused the vid. he's shoo cute !

this man named khairul irfan

we all have a lot of secrets. i know i do.

ever since i met this someone, these secrets have slowly been revealed. i find myself opening up a lot more, and i even told him a big secret of mine tht nobody has ever known. and i changed too. i changed a lot for him, in a positive way.

a year ago, i withdrew myself from everyone around me, but my meeting with the man named khairul irfan melted the sheet of ice tht was engulfing me. he thawed the ice cube tht i was and found me, cold and shivering.

slowly, he warmed me up. i'm a flame now, warm and steady. i entered his life, his presence, his accompany, his arms, his embrace. and i've never regretted any of tht. i changed a lot for this man named khairul irfan. i've never changed for anyone. and i thought i would never.

he softened me. i used to keep everything to myself, under the glare tht i gave anyone who lay their eyes on me. yet, he strengthened me, this man named khairul irfan.

i've had another love before him. but, it's different this time. i'm not just Saying this. i really really mean it. there's smth abt this man named khairul irfan tht makes me very very very sure tht i am truly and sincerely in love with him.

this man named khairul irfan. sigh. every time he gets mad at me, i would always hurt somewhere, be it the head or backbone or stomach. but most of all it hurts in the heart of course.

i love him a lot.
i hope he's not doing anything stupid right now...

it's been a year.

a year ago, i allowed smth to happen cos of my stupidity, my ignorance. my desire. my foolishness, and my lack of thinking before i did it. it's too late isnt it? it happened. i had those feelings. and i wasted precious months crying over smth which was not meant to be.

well guess what? this year, i've got khairul irfan. and there's nth more i can wish for. 13th oct 2010 can go to hell. i'm in 2011 now.

your hand is my hot chocolate ^^

long day today! although i aint even halfway thru.

woke up at 10 sia, which was the time tht khai told me to meet him. at first i was like, oh its ten. i went back to sleep, only gg into a shock a few seconds later. teros jumped out of bed and ran to grab my clothes and into the toilet, haha.

kay, last night's dream was awesome! was abt sch though, ive been dreaming abt sch a lot these days ever since my last day in the building on thursday. i rmb it being cca day cos i saw uniformed groups lined up by the parade square.

i recall seeing mr syafie , i rmb talking to him tgt with asleah, and they were like joking away when i decided to go to our old humans room, to "see who is occupying it this year" . i saw some random bespectacled kid coming out of the room.

hafiz came along, and we tagged team battle against the kids in the room, haha! in the end we won the fight and we managed to get tht classr back. and all was like normal, geog lessons in the humans room on the first floor.

i forgot what we did inside eh , but i see it. i recall the tables all joined as one long table in the middle of the room and we were all gathered around it laughing . yes it was ms poh!

hm. then what? oh yeah, and then i was standing by the spiral staircase between the classr blocks near the toilet again. some sec one or sec two boy was talking to me abt the UGs horse race. smth like tht .

and then, someone whom i cant recognize, told me tht none of the npcc representatives showed up. and tht no signs of npcc ppl anywhere in the sch. tht was when i had this inkling to represent npcc! hahaha.

yeah this part was fun. there was a stable behind the humans room. and i was thinking of which horse to ride. i rmb thinking to myself, "oh choose the one who is of same height or taller." and then i went to this beautiful horse the colour of midnight. and it was majestic, absolute beautiful thing. like a rapidash!

then i rode her down to the ish. damn awesome sia the feeling! ok, im very excited. hehehe! i rmb steering her over past the dnt rooms. wow. serious shit, tht feeling was damn bloody awesome.

k, im done abt my dreams. currently at mac with my khairul baby. he's feeding me fries, heheh. his hand was warm, that was my hot chocolate on this rainy day. ^^ hi khairul, i love you!
hi Eindah!! i love you too!!!

Day One of Filming

...was a success! although yes it rained, we still managed to film certain stuff from the beginning of my imagination, hehe. im sooo grateful to the girls cos they were willing to be my models.

met up with siying at bk, waited for asleah for eons cos she was taking her own sweet time, and then she came and we all bought our food. just Nice it was our recess time, aka the time tht i can eat alr .

blah3, when we were done, we went to romantic place, asleah with her umbrella and siying and i with hoodsup! hahaha. k this is a short update, i shall continue later. nak edit videos. hehe. excited!

my family's full names.

hm, this is difficult, cos u seem to know everything abt me. and like i said, i find it difficult to say things abt myself, ppl either ask or observe. but i shall try . oh he just Gave me smth to tell. my family's full names !

my father: Md E'esa Bin Nordin
my mommy: Nor Azlina Bte Md Arif
my older bro: Muhammad Naqib E'zuwan Bin Md E'esa
my younger bruh: Muhammad Nazriq E'irfan Bin Md E'esa

k dah. what else? hm.......... did you know tht i was last in class in sec 1 and 2? k nvm this is more towards my past. i think this is all for today, khai just Told me to sleep -_-

busy, busy! so many things to do, so little seconds on the clock. deadline for project SFS is on friday!! friday ! ah! got so pissed this morning cos of the weather. yes, i disliked the weather, but i still appreciate it.

tmrw, it better not rain tmrw! i sooo need to do this ok. ive been wanting to do this for an extremely long time, too long! i needa focus. *determined face*

so right now, all i can do is listen to its song on repeat, and tryta imagine first. which... is smth tht i alr have been doing since i first heard this song. oh well! familiarize.

i've been looking at some 2010 photos. i really miss the times when all eight of us were like camwhoring in the classrooms during recess and all tht. damn. effing miss the girls. this the first pic we all ever took tgt as a whole, and with no extras (eg phyllis and qianying)



and all the outings with any of the girls, cos tht time i didnt have any preferences for anyone. and the birthday bash for siying, and when we played water and picnicked at prp, and played by the beach. and went to pearl's house to watch movie aft monopoly.



and the best was megamind! we all planned tht tgt. like shit pulak tu. we worked hard, and then we played hard ^^ i still rmb how excited we were over Movie Day! and i rmb tht i even announced it during flag raising haha. and, it was my first day with new specs!





oh yeah..... cliquey movie day was awesome.






i better plan another outing before it becomes a year since all 8 of us went out tgt. yes, it's all up to me now!

this is in response to khairul's blog post.

i've told you many times, i wont leave you. i've still got one more year in this sch, you can have ur eye on me, and aft my O's, ill take care of myself. i wont go anywhere. you'll say tht it's what i say now, but ive told u many many times tht i wont leave you for anyone else.

cos, there's really this smth abt you, tht makes me very very sure tht i wanna be with you for the rest of my life. ive said it a lot of times, and im very sure of it. very, very sure. you changed me, i discovered many things tht i never knew i was, i became someone tht i should have been a long time ago. and i am not just Saying this.

k, this is all tht i will say now. if ive got anything else, they would all be in diary. the little red notebook tht one of my best friends got for my 16th bday~

for a second there, you sounded like you were defending your ex. and it saddens me. it really, really saddens me.

Last Day of 4/2 ):

hello! ytd was last day with 4/2. boohoo. as in normal sch day. next week are n levels' remaining papers. sigh ! i am freaking out sia. damn stress.

ytd was damn touching. ive got footage, but i have yet to edit. because i have no time, cant afford to lose anymore seconds. i'm allowing the clock tick in my face..
pictures from ytd !









and i got suspended from class ytd. siying told me everyone asked abt me, like sho shweet!

then during self study, everyone was camwhoring but i was at my desk with one black face. manfred came to me and was like,"eh last day of sch eh. can dont be so sad or not? be happy eh, smile eh. and stop being so bloody stubborn can or not? oy smile lah, go there join them take picture." sho shweet, hehe!

timothy injured his foot and couldnt walk, and nicholas piggybacked him , damn bloody shweet sia. felt as if the whole sch was ours, cos it was damn empty and our class was the only used one at the second level. so yeahh.

aft p.e, we all camwhored like shit, only left the sch at like one hour aft the final bell rang. damn bloody shweet. i'm gonna miss them all like fuck.

we shall let the vid do the rest of the talking, here u go !